


you can't love me 'cause i'm poison

by trashmouthtrash



Series: Inktober 2018 [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Fluff, Inktober, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Talking Things Out™️, Weird writing Style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 15:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16161494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashmouthtrash/pseuds/trashmouthtrash
Summary: "Bucky wouldn’t, couldn’t let himself open up to Steve’s painfully obvious come-ons, because Steve deserves someone better. Someone warm and kind. Someone who doesn’t wake up screaming every night."(stucky angst/fluff for day one of inktober: poisonous)





	you can't love me 'cause i'm poison

**Author's Note:**

> barely edited. I own nothing but the plot. credit to marvel, of course, and to Jackie Foster & Self Portraits for the title and lyrics from "Poison" (amazing song!!)

poi·son·ous  
adjective  
causing or capable of causing death or illness

 

(“you can’t love me ‘cause i’m poison”)

Steve Rogers is a lot of things. Subtle is not one of them.

Anyone with eyes could see that Steve adores Bucky. Lingering looks, soft smiles… his steely soldier exterior fades away when he’s with Bucky. Somehow, the one-armed ex-assassin could bring out a soft side of Steve that no one else could.

(“something’s gotta change in the way that you look at me”)

Not only had the other avengers noticed, but they teased Steve about it relentlessly. Bucky was slower to realize, but…. to be fair, he had a helluva lot going on. His mental state wasn’t exactly healthy.

He supposed torture does that to you.

(“you know what people say when they think of me”)

But he loves Steve. More than anything, Bucky wishes he could be with Steve. He longs for Steve’s warm embrace, dreads the day they would inevitably be separated.

Yet… Bucky wouldn’t, couldn’t let himself open up to Steve’s painfully obvious come-ons, because Steve deserves someone better. Someone warm and kind. Someone who doesn’t wake up screaming every night.

(“you can’t love me ‘cause i think i’m losing my mind.”)

Steve - bless him - stays by Bucky’s side, night after night, even when Bucky is thrashing and yelling about demons that exist only in his own mind.

(another mission. another kill. more red in his ledger. more blood on his hands.)

On most of these nights, sleep is far from reach in the aftermath of a nightmare (memory?). So Steve sits with him, gets him something to drink, and pretends he’s not tired. They talk about before the war, mainly, but this time, they talk about the future.

“We can’t do this forever, Steve.”

Steve looks up at him. “Why not? I like being with you.”

(I can do this all day)

“You know what I mean, Steve. Eventually we’re gonna have to move on. You’re gonna find someone, and…”

“What if I’ve already found him?”

Him.

Steve brings his hand to Bucky’s face with a feather-light touch. Bucky finally meets his eyes.

“I love you, Buck.”

Bucky freezes. Steve is right there and he loves him and why doesn’t he just say yes.

Reluctantly, Bucky takes Steve’s hands, pulling them away from his face.

“I can’t, Steve… You know I can’t…”

Steve gets that look in his eyes, the same one he would get back in the 1940s when the bullies would tell him to “just give it up.”

(he never did)

“Why can’t you, Buck? What’s stopping you?”

“I’m poisonous, Steve. I hurt people. You deserve someone who can treat you right… someone better.”

(“you can’t love me ‘cause i’m poison”)

Bucky doesn’t meet his eyes; Steve pauses, then puts an arm around Bucky’s shoulders.

“Bucky, you mean the world to me. Always have. Forget what we deserve, you’re who I want. I love you, Bucky Barnes. I want to be with you.”

“I’m so messed up, Steve…”

“Yeah, well… I’m messed up too. And we can help each other. It’s not always gonna be sunshine and rainbows, but we’ll be together.” Steve squeezes Bucky’s hand. “Always.”

Bucky’s lips quirk up. Finally, he lets himself relax into Steve’s side.

“I’m with you ‘till the end of the line, right?”

And Steve laughs.

**Author's Note:**

> this is so fluffy I want to throw up.
> 
> it's really messy and gross but I'm posting it anyway... it's really different from what I usually write, but I thought I'd give it a try. I probably won't be able to do every day of Inktober, but I'm gonna do as much as I can! They won't all be stucky, but probably a lot of marvel... anyway, let me know what you thought :) 
> 
> you can't love me 'cause I'm poison, but I definitely love y'all


End file.
